"and your bones will turn from lead to gold."

my bones are most definitely made of lead right now. i feel like life is the struggle to turn your bones from lead to gold. is it such a crazy thing to want 14 carat bones? i think it would be pretty spectacular.

i want so many things at which most people would scoff. sorry if i seem like my head is in the clouds. maybe it is. really, i'm not sorry if it seems that way. i'm sorry for the people who never let their heads lift off their shoulders. it's certainly no way to live your life but it's a wonderful diversion from the grim reality of the world.

i don't waste my time wishing for things to come to me. i'd much rather work my fingers to the bone for the things i want. i admit, i'm a cynic but aren't cynics just disappointed idealists? i think so.

i like to think of myself as an idealistic realist, but that doesn't mean i can't wonder. it doesn't mean i don't have dreams.

i want things. i want plenty of things.

i want beauty and inspiration and the grotesque.
i want to draw on a french mustache and spend the day drinking iced tea and eating waffles, stripes not optional.
i want to lie in bed on a cloudy day and listen to 'anthems of a seventeen year old girl' on repeat all day.
i want a single moment in which i feel utterly loved, even if it isn't real. in fact, i'd prefer if it wasn't because then it won't disappoint me like the real things in life.
i want to be smart and pretty, i want to change the world, i want to be a rockstar, i want to be a mommy, i want to be amazing.


i want illusions. i want to make up my own mind about the meaning of things. who said delusion was such a bad thing? if no one ever rains on my parade, it sounds like a pretty great life.

i want to see how many balloons i can hold before my feet lift off the ground.

place your bets.